My spiritual awakening—while worrying about my alcoholic daughter

I had been in Al‑Anon for a good number of years when my alcoholic daughter disappeared into the streets of a major western city. For two years, I had no contact with her or anyone who knew her. I felt as though I was completely new to the program as my sense of powerlessness grew.

My life seemed to spiral out of control as I lost my self-focus. My obsession with her grew. I felt more and more detached from my Higher Power, though I prayed for my missing daughter—all for nothing, I thought.

How can I explain what a spiritual awakening is? To me it is that quiet knowledge that some force is allowing me to know or hear something. One day during my meditation, I was feeling a sense of loss, because I did not even know where my daughter was. Suddenly I almost heard, “You don’t have to know where she is because I do!”

A few weeks after that, she turned up in jail; from there she went to a halfway house. I wish I could say all is well, but I don’t know that for sure. I only know that my Higher Power will restore me to sanity if I can accept my powerlessness over this cunning and baffling disease. I have to live “One Day at a Time” and keep the focus on me.

By Paddy A., Tennessee
The Forum, December 2011

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