My desire for revenge—A fight worth winning?

I’ve spent many precious moments grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw as I remained entrenched in contentious relationships with my siblings. Not only did I carry this stress around with me during the day, I tossed and turned at night. My bed acted as a trampoline where my brain jumped from negative thought to negative thought regarding all the wrongs my siblings had heaped upon the innocent bystanders in our family.

I wondered whether I’d achieve my desire for revenge. It took a long while for me to realize that my fantasy of winning the fight over my perceived adversaries had only one fatality—me. I was losing, my energy was down. I was angry, depressed, and sometimes enraged, so my efforts weren’t serving a useful purpose.

I decided to explore the idea of detachment. However, since I was so committed to winning the undeclared battle with whomever I thought was my enemy, it wasn’t easy to change my internal pattern of reaction.

Thankfully, I could recite the slogans. I repeated them in my mind, “Let Go and Let God,” and created new sayings. “One Day at a Time” seemed an impossible length of time to remain detached, so I tried one minute at a time.

Did I experience a miracle? No. Did I experience relief from my internal suffering? Yes!

Little by little I started to get the hang of this whole detachment thing. When I found myself reacting rather than responding, or when I noticed anger beginning to bubble inside of me, it became easier to repeat the slogans and I slowly learned how to detach with love from the old arguments.

Now I can go to family events, stay calm, and actually enjoy myself, which does seem like a miracle—thanks to Al-Anon Family Groups.

By Anonymous, Manitoba
The Forum, April 2007

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