A kiss I never expected

All my life, my nagging mother made me feel as if I couldn’t do anything right. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t get rid of my resentment toward her. Struggling with a poor self-image while in my 40s, I began seeing a therapist. He quickly suggested I join an Al-Anon adult children group.

“But there wasn’t any drinking in my home when I was growing up,” I protested.

“Sally,” he responded, “It sounds like your mother acts like an alcoholic who isn’t drinking, but who also isn’t getting any help.”

At my first Al-Anon adult children meeting, I was surprised to hear members talking about the same kind of cruel parental treatment and emotional abuse that I experienced. Their parents were drunks. Mine weren’t.

The program gave me a new perspective on Mom and on myself. I worked with the therapist a while longer and continued working the Al-Anon recovery program.

Through the Steps, I gradually overcame the anger and resentment I felt toward Mom. It took about five years before I felt completely free of it. I even did an amends for my spiteful treatment of her.

Then my Higher Power gave me a comical twist to finalize my healing. During a heavy storm in my mom’s home town, a tree fell on her house. After the storm, Mom was temporarily staying with one of my brothers, but neither wanted Mom to move in with him. I lived several hundred miles away.

I took a trip to my brother’s to visit my mom. As I was leaving to go home after our visit, my mom grabbed her suitcase, which she had packed, and returned home with me without even asking. That’s Mom!

We lived together amazingly well for three years in my little two bedroom apartment until the repairs on her house were completed. During our time together, I practiced what I’d learned in the program and attended meetings.

The night before I moved my mom back to her house, we were hugging good night and she said, “Sally, I’m glad that tree fell on my house. It gave me a chance to get to know you as an adult. I love you, Sally.”

She gave me a kiss on the cheek—it’s the only kiss from her that I can remember.

While living together, we cultivated a deep mutual love and respect for one another. I believe that couldn’t have happened without Al-Anon.

Mom died eight years later. She was 93. I’m grateful for Al-Anon because it helped me to heal my resentments so I could experience healthy grieving with her passing. The program works.

By Sally C., Missouri
The Forum, April 2007

© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2007. All Rights Reserved.