My safety matters

When I started attending Al-Anon, I was living with an active alcoholic and suffering from panic attacks and depression. Soon I started attending three meetings a week because for the first time in my life I heard people sharing about emotions and feelings that I had always previously denied.

Contrary to what the alcoholic told me, I learned that I didn’t cause alcoholism, I couldn’t control it, and I couldn’t cure it—no matter how much responsibility I felt for it or how many ways I tried to cure him.

My husband’s drinking increased sharply after I’d been in the program for two years. He was admitted to the chemical withdrawal unit in a local hospital. When I visited him the next day, the hospital staff talked about releasing him in a day or two. My insides were screaming, “No, no, no!”

The following day, with help from Al-Anon members and counseling, I was able to tell my husband that I wasn’t well enough to have him stay at home. He chose to stay with his mother. My husband broke our agreement that he would let me know before he came to the house. I felt so uncomfortable that I knew I had to go somewhere “safe.”

Two days later my husband made a suicide attempt. My 20-year-old son found him. A wonderful Al-Anon friend came to be with me and my Al-Anon friends were a huge support.

My husband was getting sicker and sicker by the week. I was becoming more confident that I could live on my own—something that I almost dared not to think about for more than ten years. Al-Anon gave me the courage and knowledge to accept that this was my Higher Power’s will for me.

A few months later when my son found my husband’s body in the house, I could honestly say that I felt no guilt about leaving the family home. I knew I did what I needed to do for my own sanity, safety, and serenity.

I thank God daily for everything I’ve learned in Al-Anon—most importantly that I have a Higher Power to talk to and trust and I can trust my own feelings. Now, more than two years after my husband’s death, it is important to continue attending Al-Anon—to give back a little of so much I received in Al-Anon.

By Ruth G., Manitoba
The Forum, June 2007

© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2007. All Rights Reserved.