I came to Al‑Anon after my husband suggested it. I had a nagging feeling that my life was somewhat chaotic and perhaps even unmanageable, but I didn’t really think it had anything to do with alcoholism. After all, I had done quite well for myself, and the fact that my mother and brother were alcoholics didn’t have much to do with me anymore. I had recently married an alcoholic who had 15 years of sobriety and was dedicated to A.A., so I thought I was “home free.”

Growing up in an alcoholic home left me with many wounds and bruises. I was hurt spiritually and emotionally.

My favorite piece of literature is How Al‑Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics (B‑22, B-32). I found a tremendous amount of comfort in each section. Reading the book helped me to finally realize that I was raised in an alcoholic family. And to my surprise, this realization came without any shame or guilt attached. My Higher Power allowed me to accept what was, and learn from it.

The day I had not worried about came today—the day she decided to drink again. I have no idea how the pain of drinking brought her to sobriety, and how the pain of living brought her back to drinking. I just know my beautiful sister is suffering and our family is grieving the loss of the brightness that came with her sobriety. My heart is full of compassion, sadness, and love.

The hardest amends I have ever done was to my dad. My parents divorced when I was one year old. I only saw him on weekends or summers. He really wasn’t around all that much. He lived with my grandparents who were more or less the caregivers.

Growing up in an alcoholic home, I always felt I had to be good enough—that I had to earn my parents love. Every time my alcoholic stepfather would go into a rage, it would be my fault. My mother, severely affected by the disease of alcoholism, would always defend him and tell me to try and do better. I thought they would love me if I were perfect.

I now know that my dad is just a man. For the past 30 years, I put him on a pedestal. He was a beacon, an example of how the program really works. He had 15 years of sobriety, then five years, and now after less than a year, he slipped again. My world is shattered and I feel lost. I hate this disease! It is, however, because of my father that I can recognize it as a disease—and for that, I am grateful.

I thought the sun rose and set on my father. When he was home, I was his constant shadow; I followed him everywhere. When I was seven, he left for work one day and never returned.